Memories of Green
(Title thanks to Vangelis ^_^)
19 / 03:
Guld's dead. Sharon's gone. So is Marje.I can't believe what happened.
* * *After Sharon's spell had finally worn off, the military people took immediate control. At first, I'd thought that they would be very grateful to Isamu for what he'd done. He'd saved the entire world, after all. And they were grateful.
For a day, at least.
When Millard Johnson's call came over on the comms, their high spirits came to an end, and Isamu's hardships truly began.
"You disobeyed orders, Lieutenant Dyson", General Worth's voice said over the speakers.
Isamu stood straight, his gaze unflinching. "Sir, I had to. I couldn't allow the Ghost fighter to --"
"-- take over your job?" the General finished for him.
"Yes, sir."
"So you hijacked a top secret military fighter, a brand new fold drive, damaged some of the facilities at New Edwards, and then made your way over to Earth to destroy another top secret military fighter."
"Destroying it was not my intention," Isamu cut in.
"You will speak only when I decide it is relevant, Lieutenant."
"Sorry," he muttered, loud enough for everyone to hear. "I didn't know that I wasn't supposed to speak on my own defense."
"I'll take your stupidity into account, Lieutenant," the General returned coolly, "but your insubordination is another matter entirely. Hijacking military property is a serious offense."
"Tell me something I don't know," Isamu snorted.
"One more snide remark and you will be held in contempt. If you still refuse to learn how to obey simple instructions, then I will make sure that you will never fly for anyone anywhere ever again."
That was, I reflected, the only way to ever make Isamu step in line. I could see that it railed on him to be treated like this (though, inwardly, I mused that he should be used to these types of court proceedings by now), but he managed to control himself.
"Once you arrived at Earth," the General went on, "you then proceeded to destroy several military and commercial satellites orbiting the planet. When the second experimental fighter came to take you back, you engaged in combat, causing the massive destruction of civilian property."
"He attacked me first," he muttered, the mikes catching and sending it to the speakers for everyone to hear. One or two people in the audience tittered.
"Lieutenant Bowman was under orders to bring you back, dead or alive. He, at least, had probable cause to attack."
Isamu exploded in rage at that point. He surged to his feet, eyes ablaze. "Don’t give me that shit! I acted in self-defense! You expect me to just let him blow me up?"
"Your own reasons for fighting have been taken into account, Lieutenant Dyson. Be assured that, were Lieutenant Bowman still alive, he, too, would be facing the consequences of his destructive actions."
Isamu growled and threw himself back into his chair. "Guess he lucked out, huh?" he muttered.
"Do you deny the charges levelled against you?"
Isamu snorted and indicated a negative. He was clearly itching to get out of there as soon as he possibly could. His lawyer hadn’t moved throughout the whole time, even if he did make a few conciliatory gestures to his impulsive client.
"Your courage and skill are exemplary, Lieutenant. You are no coward, I’ll grant you that," the General stated.
I could almost hear Isamu think in that sarcastic fashion of his: Thanks for the compliment.
"A pity I can’t say the same thing for your restraint and common sense, though." The General turned to exchange glances with his colleagues seated upon the bench. They gave slow, imperceptible nods. He turned to face the quietly seething pilot once more.
"Defendant, stand and receive your sentence."
Isamu stayed in his seat for a few moments more before standing. The General showed no signs of surprise at this.
"Lieutenant Isamu Alva Dyson. For the crimes of theft of military property, damage and destruction of military and public property, entering Earth airspace without proper clearance and last, but certainly not least, insubordination, you are hereby sentenced to 11 months in the brig. However, upon reviewing your actions against the rogue AI formerly known as Sharon Apple, your time in the brig is hereby suspended. You are free to resume your duties after all legal procedures of your case have been settled."
Relief flooded through me, but Isamu kept his face expressionless, as if waiting for something else. The General didn’t disappoint him.
"However, we have decided that a downgrading in your pilot's license is warranted. Therefore, your pilot's rating is hereby immediately dropped to a class 3 rating. This rating will be kept for a minimum period of three years from this day. Appeals for upgrade will be reviewed after three years, and considerations will be based upon your performance reports after said period of time. That is all." The men on the bench rose and left. The trial was over.
Isamu seemed to slump then. I watched his expression closely. Vaguely, I seemed to recall that a class 3 pilot’s license meant that the most he’d be able to fly would be a transportation barge. For a man like Isamu, that downgrading was like a fate worse than death.
He turned to me and gave me a roguish grin, as if I was the one who needed cheering up. "Well, it’s only for three years," he said. "I can appeal, and get it back up to speed after that."
"Don’t count on it," his lawyer said, getting to his feet.
Isamu frowned. "What’s that supposed to mean?"
His lawyer kept silent, busying himself with stuffing papers into his briefcase. After a few moments, Isamu grabbed the man by the collar and repeated his question, his voice low and dangerous.
Faced with the full wrath of his client, the lawyer held himself up pretty well. There was only a faint tremor in his voice when he replied, "You’ll never fly a fighter again, Lieutenant."
"But they said--," I began.
"What they said and what they’ll do can be two different things," he cut me off, sounding slightly relieved at having to speak to me and not to Isamu. "Lieutenant Dyson is… an embarrassment to the military right now. They won’t let him fly for them anymore, or for anyone else, if they can help it."
"But... But they said he's free to resume his duties!" I protested. The man only shrugged. "No," I whispered. "How can they do this? He saved them… He saved us."
He shook his head slightly, still trapped within Isamu’s iron grip. "Miss Myung, if that was all that Lieutenant Dyson did, we wouldn’t be here today." Seeing Isamu’s numb look, he jostled and managed to release himself. Brushing the crumples in his suit down, he then proceeded to finish up his packing. Finally done, he looked up. "I’m sorry, Lieutenant. For what it’s worth, you’re lucky."
"How can I possibly be lucky?" Isamu said softly in a voice I’d never heard before.
"You could have been locked up for good."
Isamu laughed weakly as the man walked away. "They might as well have," he whispered.
* * *
26 / 03:
Isamu flew back to Eden two days ago to report in to the New Edwards base. He seemed a little more like his old self: confident that everything would work out all right. It surprised me when he decided to go back to New Edwards so soon, but I guess he feels the need to be back up in the skies again. I would have gone with him, of course, but I needed to finish with a lot of things here on Earth first. Sharon may be gone now, but she left a lot of mess behind. For a while, it looked as if I might be having a hash of legal problems myself, but once Marje's role was brought to light, I was out in the clear.I doubt that the recording company will let me work for them again, though. The analysis on Sharon's emotional programming showed that most of her unstable emotions came from me. It was... embarrassing, to say the least.
* * *I packed the last of my things into the little box on what used to be my desk. It felt odd looking at it all. They barely even filled it out to the brim. I was sure I had more stuff than that.
I sighed. I wasn't going to miss this place, since I hadn't been spending that much time in here for the last several months. Sharon Apple was the most popular virtual idol in entertainment history and the busiest. By extension, that made me the busiest and most well travelled music producer. It was a lifestyle I'd grown used to. At least it enabled me to keep my mind working hard enough to push aside the unhappy memories I was trying to desperately to avoid.
Once more, the young faces of Guld, Isamu and myself loomed into mind. We'd been such carefree kids so many years ago. I felt a pang of regret for our loss of innocence. I wished I could feel that young again.
Picking up the half-filled box, I walked over to the door, but I paused just before stepping past the doorway. Outside, people were moving busily to their own businesses, chattering and laughing. They threw me the odd glance here and there, but no one came close. My secretary's desk was empty as well; she'd already been transferred to another department somewhere.
I turned back. The office looked bigger now for all its emptiness. Brighter, somehow. After another moment, I exited, closing the door quietly behind me, and left the building in my own time.
I wasn't going to miss this place.
* * *
10 / 04:
Eden never changes. Not even in view of all the things I've been through. I can think of all the horrible things that took place in each spot I stand in, but even those things shrink away to bring me back to the young, carefree childhood I'd shared with my closest friends. The bad memories never fade into nothingness, but then, they somehow don't loom in my mind, either. Not anymore.What a relief.
Isamu's offworld for the time being. Piloting a transport barge from Eden to the military supply base in the next system. He should be back in tomorrow.
I've spoken to a few of Isamu's colleagues. His friends in New Edwards are nice people, especially Lucy. She and I have surprisingly managed to hit it off quite well. She’s obviously waiting for his return with a lot of anticipation. She’s meeting him at the Eden starport tomorrow.
I’m not sure how I feel.
* * *Isamu looked ill at ease. He hadn't moved that much from his seat and that in itself was a strong indication of his state of mind.
"What are you thinking of?" I asked him.
"Huh?" He turned to me with a start, then smiled weakly. "Sorry," he said. "My mind was wandering. What did you say?"
"What are you thinking of?"
He shrugged. "Just stuff," he said dismissively.
I nodded, stirring the tea in my cup. Silence reigned for a while. Eventually, in an effort to dispel the uncomfortable atmosphere that seemed to fill every inch of the restaurant, I smiled and said, "Kate and Morgan have invited us over this weekend for Jack's birthday party."
"That's great."
"Kate says that Jack can't wait to finally turn six," I went on. "He's all excited about his party." I smiled wider. "She swears that he's going to drive her up the wall with all his running about."
"Yeah?"
I looked up at him. He wasn't even looking back. His head was tilted slightly back and he was keeping his gaze up, past the line of buildings that dominated the city centre, and up into the skies. There was an odd expression to his face now, one I'd occasionally seen before when we were still kids and he hadn't been old enough to fly yet. It was an expression that was appearing with greater frequency nowadays.
"Isamu?" I called softly.
He didn't reply for several moments. Then, his lips curled upwards in a little smile. "Clear skies today," he said, his voice sounding almost reverent.
I watched him, but he wasn't paying attention to anything except the skies. I doubted that he even remembered where he was right now. Perhaps he was only aware of where he wasn't.
I gave up and nodded. "Clear skies today," I repeated, and stirred the tea in my cup.
* * *
14 / 04:
Isamu's slipping further and further away from me. All he does is sit and mope and look up at the skies.I'm so angry with the military people. How could they do this to him? Flying is his life. The only thing that ever mattered to him. How could they take that away, knowing how much it means to him?
I called Lucy earlier this evening to tell her about Isamu. She's promised to keep an eye on him while he's at the base.
* * *The doorbell rang insistently, and I forced myself out of bed to answer it. Two men in military uniform were standing there with grim faces.
"Miss Myung Fan Lone?" one of them asked.
"Y-yes?"
"We're with the military police. Is Lieutenant Isamu Dyson here?"
I blinked. "Isamu?" I repeated.
"May we come in?" the other man asked, already moving. I stepped back in confusion, allowing them past me. They moved swiftly, taking in every corner of my little apartment. Within minutes, they had finished looking over the whole place and stood in front of me once more.
"Have you seen Lieutenant Dyson in the last day or so?" they asked me.
I nodded slowly, an unpleasant feeling welling in my stomach. "We went out for lunch yesterday. He dropped me off here later and went back to the base."
"You haven't seen him since?"
I shook my head.
They exchanged brief glances and nodded. "Thank you for your cooperation, Miss Myung. We'll be on our way now."
As they walked past, I stopped one of them with a hand on his shoulder. "What will you do when you find him?"
"Please call us if you hear from him," he said, and left.
I leaned against the door wearily. My insides were roiling uncomfortably. So Isamu had gone AWOL from the base. A part of me wasn't at all surprised.
Minutes later, the phone rang. It was Lucy, come to ask me the inevitable.
"No," I told her. "I don't know where he is, either. He never said a word." I sighed.
* * *
19 / 04:
Four days have passed, and still no news about Isamu. That idiot. The military is keeping a watch on my place. Like he'd actually come over here to hide from them! What a laugh.I'm not all that surprised about his leaving, just about its suddenness. After speaking with Lucy, I think I can understand why he left. It seems that he wasn't actually doing anything at the base. Mostly little jobs, small errands that needed a class 3 pilot's license to accomplish. He hadn't been allowed near a fighter at all. The most he'd ever been able to do was to convince Yang to allow him to use the simulator once in a while.
God, I can really hate those bastards. They were the ones who pushed him into this corner.
* * *The MP opened the door and stood aside, allowing me to pass. The room was poorly lit, though there were more than adequate light fixtures present. Perhaps Isamu preferred it dark.
He sat at the centre of the room, elbows on the table, his head propped up by his hands. I couldn't see his face, but his eyes peered at me from above his hands. I have never seen that kind of expression in them before.
"So," he said after a moment. "I guess you're here to convince me to mend my ways, huh?"
"No," I replied. "I came here to see you. To make sure you're all right."
He snorted and leaned back into his chair. "Knock yourself out, Myung."
I sighed quietly and sat on the chair opposite him. Isamu turned his head away, as if he didn't want to look at me. I frowned.
"Where did you go, Isamu?" I asked. When he didn't answer, I hazarded a guess. "To the pterosaur nests?"
He looked at me, then, and nodded. "I needed to get away for a while."
"How did they find you?"
"I came back." He brought his arms up, stretching, and changed the subject quickly. "Lucy told you, huh?"
I nodded. "She called me this morning and told me that you were being held here." I paused. "I think I can understand why you left."
He said nothing.
"What are you going to do now, Isamu?"
However, still, he said nothing.
* * *
27 / 04:
They kept him in there for three days. Colonel Johnson finally let him go with strict warnings. His absence was noted in his records. This is definitely not going to help his chances of appeal later on.I was planning on going to go over to New Edwards to see him again, but then I just got another call, this time from Yang Newman. Isamu's handed in his resignation.
* * *I found him sitting on that rotting tree stump, munching on one of the bitter fruits. It was a hot day, barely a cloud in the sky. My face was streaming with perspiration and I spent the next few minutes allowing my breath to calm after the long trek up here. I really should have rented myself a bike.
Isamu took one last bite, then threw the remainder of the fruit away. He turned his head slightly and waved at me to join him. He didn't look surprised to see me.
"I must be getting predictable," he remarked. "You seem to be able to find me every time I want to be alone." He sounded like his old, cheerful self.
"It's your fault for bringing me here last time," I returned playfully. "Do you want me to leave?"
He shrugged. It wasn't the answer I was hoping for, but I sat down beside him, anyway.
For a long span of time, we sat together silently, taking in the panorama before us. There was a lot I wanted to ask him, but somehow, I felt reluctant to break the silence first.
Isamu took a deep breath. "Do you know...," he began.
"Yes?"
"... the pterosaurs don't come here anymore."
I blinked. "They don't?"
"It's getting harder and harder to catch a glimpse of them now," he went on. "I think the world's changed too much for them."
I watched him closely. He had a distant, wistful look on his face.
"There's too much of everything here now. It's too... painful for them to fly even in this part of the world." He shook his head. "I guess they've gone off to fly someplace else."
I turned away. "Someplace where it doesn't hurt so much?"
"Yeah. Someplace bigger," he said, "so that they can stretch their wings again."
"Where is that?"
He smiled. "Oh, it's somewhere out there. They'll find it."
I felt the tears beginning, but amazingly, relentlessly, kept them from coming. He sounded so happy to go. It hurt to know that.
"But what..." I stopped, and took a few seconds to steady my voice. "What about the place they left behind? What's going to happen to the rest that remain here?"
He sighed. "They have to find their own space, Myung. That's all there is to it."
I lowered my head.
After a while, he said, "Guld lucked out."
* * *
28 / 04:
We had a pretty good talk on the mountain this afternoon. Isamu will never change. I don't even think he wants to.He told me why he resigned, and why he accepted that job out in the Greene system. It seems like it's probably the last best chance he'll have at flying a fighter. It's illegal, of course, but then, the legal routes have all been denied him. It's so sad to see him like this.
He wouldn't give me the full details of this new line of work he's doing. I get the feeling that he's still trying to protect me from any unwanted consequences.
I left him on the mountain and came home. At first, I thought of convincing him to stay, but after our talk, I think it's best to let him go his own way. There's nothing I can give him that can convince him to stay. Nothing I have can possibly compare with the call of his dreams.
I feel... I finally understand now.
* * *The rain beat down on the windowpanes. The storm had blown in suddenly, and it had been raining down upon us for the past hour. Thunder rumbled through the night skies. Once, it happened so close by, I could feel the whole apartment building reverberate. Eden didn't get that many storms, but the few that did happen tend to be big, noisy ones. However, it wasn't the rain that was keeping me up tonight.
I was thinking about Isamu and Guld. And myself. I was thinking about what we'd all gone through. All the hopes and aspirations we harboured for one another when we were children, running and playing amidst the lovely open hills of Eden. Then, the pain and the acceptances we learned as we found out that the universe held more for us than just dreams. The afternoon's sadness slowly built up within me, and when the rain began to fall, I finally let myself cry.
I loved him once. I still did, in a way.
It’s strange. I wasn’t as broken up about his coming absence as I’d thought I would be. I didn't feel the level of devastation like I had when Isamu first left Eden, more than seven years ago. Maybe it was the repetition dulling me to the pain.
Isamu was a passionate man, even moreso when it involved his dreams. He was the kind of man who would stick his neck out for his friends. Paradoxically, he’d see nothing wrong in dropping those very same friends like a hot ember every time his dream beckoned to him. He did it all the time: rushing off on some foolhardy chase with barely a second thought, just taking it for granted that his friends and home would be waiting for his return. He was wild and untamed like that, I guess. It was part of his appeal.
Still, there were times when I would have to concede that there was a fair amount of selfishness in his actions, too.
Isamu was, after all, Isamu.
* * *
04 / 05:
Isamu flew away again, perhaps for good this time. Surprisingly, I don't even feel too bad about it. Somewhere deep inside, I'd always known this day would come.I bumped into Lucy today at the supermarket. She asked me about Isamu and we talked a bit. I know she’s upset about his leaving. And angry. Looks like Isamu’s going to have a lot of explaining to do the day he actually comes back. I wonder if Lucy will understand. Well, I wish her luck.
* * *Star Hill was empty, which was a surprise, considering the time of day. For as long as I could remember, evening had always marked the start of the steady trickle of couples coming out here to enjoy a romantic excursion. Perhaps this was an off day.
I sat on the rails, looking out into the body of water. The echoing call of the birds rang throughout the air and the breeze was a refreshing sensation against my face. It amused me when I thought about the number of times I'd come here to calm my thoughts.
Well, Isamu had his mountain. I have Star Hill.
A distant rumble of a jet roared overhead, startling the birds into a frenzied flapping of wings. I laughed softly, watching them take to the skies. For a moment, the sound of my laughter joined in curious harmony with their cries, and the brief music of them together made me happier than I'd ever felt in a long time. I had forgotten just how much I missed singing.
The noise of the jet eventually faded away, and peace reigned once more upon Star Hill. Far, far above, the first star of the night appeared, and I started to sing to it. Softly at first, then louder, but never loud enough to drown out the birds that were gradually returning.
Star light, star bright; Carry me to heaven tonight...
I ended the song and began another. And then another. By the time I was done, it was dark, and there were hundreds of other stars I could sing to but my voice was hoarse and I was getting hungrier by the minute. My appetite had been increasing by leaps and bounds during the past couple of weeks. Kate told me that it was a definite improvement for my figure.
I got to my feet, took one last look at Star Hill and began my journey home.
* * *
14 / 06:
It’s been more than a month since Isamu’s last hurried communication. He’d said that he was in trouble with the authorities; his quick temper acting up again, I’ll bet. They were letting him go, and he told us that he was coming back to Eden and that he hoped to see us.I’m not going to be here. I’ve already made plans. Earth is calling to me again, this time in a very strange fashion. I don’t know how I managed to miss the signs: the nausea, the mood swings, the cravings. But now I know for sure, and I know whose child it is. I knew it instantly.
Disappointed? Hardly.
I’m happy. Really, truly happy. In a way, the child would be a fitting legacy for all of us. I know now that he felt pained and remorseful for what he’d done to me all those years past, even if he couldn’t quite remember what happened. But I had already begun to forgive him, even before that fateful night alone. I wish I could have told him.
The tests I had undergone just two weeks ago confirmed my suspicions. I then decided to go to Earth because… well, that was where he died, and that was where I was reborn.
Oh, listen to me. I sound like I’m high on some of those weird designer drugs that are so in fashion nowadays.
It’s true, though; I was reborn. I opened my eyes again and found that I could begin to see the world clearly. For the first time in years, my heart was moved to break through the chains of silence I had imposed upon it. I could sing. The fireball that had marked his death opened the floodgates and allowed my voice to flow free in song once more. His ‘good luck charm’ had been my farewell to him.
I hope he heard me.
* * *I stood upon the moving walkway and it carried me further and further away from the old Eden and the old memories. I’d done this once before, more than seven years ago; flying off to seek my future and to forget my past. Only, this time, my reasons didn’t involve trying to forget the past. I was moving on.
The child within me moved slightly, a tiny reminder of what awaited me on Earth. Although I had only known of its existence for a few weeks at most, it had managed to capture my heart. I would do anything, face any terror for my baby. No more would I run away from the memories and the fear of recollection. I would learn to live my life to the full and not dwell on what might have been. I would give this tiny life inside me the best possible future it could ever want or need, and a clear and solid picture of its past. One day, when it was old enough, I would tell it of its father and his friend, how we played together as children, how we grew up, lost sight of each other and then how we came together one last time. My child would never be left wanting for anything, not if I could help it.
I could feel a smile grow on my face. When I was younger, I’d been terrified of the idea of leaving home and friends. Now, here I was, lighthearted and almost carefree. Such a change.
Perhaps I would see Isamu and the others again, perhaps not. In some odd, serene fashion, I didn’t mind it either way.
Eden, Sharon, Isamu… You three had been the building blocks of my life for many, many years. You had guided me, shaped me, and defined me. But now, I was strong enough to know that only I could define what I was to become. I had somehow managed to outgrow you all.
Goodbye, my old friends. I will never forget the lessons you had shown me.